THE WRONG NUMBER

SCENE 1: THE CROSS CONNECTION

(Split Stage. Left side: Karthik is ironing his socks. Right side: Ananya is screaming into a phone while buried under flowers.)

(Phone rings on Karthik’s side. He picks up.)

Mr. Karthik: Hello?

Miss Ananya: (Screaming) WHERE ARE THE ELEPHANTS?

Mr. Karthik: (Startled) Excuse me?

Miss Ananya: Don't give me excuses! The groom is here! He needs the elephant to enter! You said 4 PM! It is 4:05!

Mr. Karthik: Ma'am, I think you have the wrong number. I don't have an elephant. I have a cat. And he is asleep.

Miss Ananya: (Pausing) Is this not Rajzoo Animals?

Mr. Karthik: No. This is Karthik. I am an accountant.

Miss Ananya: Oh god. Oh god. I am going to be fired. The bride is crying. The groom is angry. I am dead.

Mr. Karthik: (Calmly) Okay, panic helps no one. Do you have a horse?

Miss Ananya: What?

Mr. Karthik: A horse. It is statistically 80% as majestic as an elephant but 50% faster to procure.

Miss Ananya: (Laughing hysterically) Are you doing math right now?

Mr. Karthik: I am solving a logistical problem. Call the local stable. Or... get a vintage car. Vintage cars have a higher "cool factor" than animals anyway. And no poop.

Miss Ananya: You know... you are weirdly helpful. Vintage car! My uncle has one! Bye, Accountant Guy!

(She hangs up. Karthik stares at the phone. He smiles slightly. He irons his sock with more energy.)

(Lights fade.)

SCENE 2: THE COFFEE DATE

(One week later. A Coffee Shop. Karthik is sitting with a book "Advanced Tax Laws." Ananya enters, wearing bright yellow. She spots him. She had saved his number.)

Miss Ananya: (Walking up) Accountant Guy?

Mr. Karthik: (Looking up) Elephant Girl?

Miss Ananya: (Sitting down uninvited) It worked! The vintage car was a hit. The groom felt like James Bond. You saved my life. I owe you coffee.

Mr. Karthik: I... I don't drink coffee after 6 PM. It disrupts my REM cycle.

Miss Ananya: (Staring at him) You are fascinating. You are like a human robot. What do you do for fun?

Mr. Karthik: I organize my bookshelf by color. And I play Chess. Online.

Miss Ananya: That is tragic. Come on. We are going out.

Mr. Karthik: Going where? I have to file my GST returns!

Miss Ananya: The GST can wait. The sunset cannot. Let’s go.

(She grabs his hand. Karthik looks at his hand, terrified but curious. He follows her.)

(Lights fade.)

SCENE 3: THE OPPOSITES ATTRACT

(A Park Bench. Evening. They are eating ice cream. Karthik has a small stain on his shirt and is freaking out.)

Mr. Karthik: It’s chocolate. It will stain. I need soda water immediately.

Miss Ananya: Relax! It adds character. Your shirt was too white anyway. It hurt my eyes.

Mr. Karthik: White is professional! Yellow (points to her dress) is... a hazard light.

Miss Ananya: Yellow is joy! You need joy, Karthik. You live in a spreadsheet. Life is not a spreadsheet. It’s a doodle. It’s messy.

Mr. Karthik: Messy is inefficient.

Miss Ananya: Messy is fun. Look at us. You are logic. I am chaos. We shouldn't be talking. But here we are.

Mr. Karthik: (Softly) Statistically, the probability of us meeting was 0.0001%.

Miss Ananya: And yet, the elephant didn't show up. Fate?

Mr. Karthik: Coincidence.

Miss Ananya: (Leaning in) You are stubborn.

Mr. Karthik: I am precise.

Miss Ananya: Okay, Mr. Precise. Predict this. What am I going to do next?

Mr. Karthik: You are going to check your phone because it has been buzzing for 3 minutes.

Miss Ananya: (Checking phone) Oops. It’s the florist. (She declines the call). Wrong. I was going to do this.

(She puts a dab of ice cream on his nose.)

Mr. Karthik: (Shocked) You... you contaminated my face!

Miss Ananya: (Laughing) Now you look sweet. Literally.

(Karthik wipes it off. But then... he smiles. A real laugh escapes him.)

Mr. Karthik: You are impossible.

Miss Ananya: I am necessary. You need someone to mess up your life, Karthik. Or you will die of boredom.

Mr. Karthik: (Looking at her) Maybe. My life has been very... clean.

Miss Ananya: So? Second date?

Mr. Karthik: I have to check my calendar.

Miss Ananya: (Rolling eyes) Oh god.

Mr. Karthik: (Smiling) Tuesday is free. If you promise no elephants.

Miss Ananya: No elephants. Just me.

Mr. Karthik: That sounds... acceptable.

(They smile at each other. The contrast between his stiffness and her energy is perfect.)

(FADE TO BLACK)